The man tripping on acid had been listening to us the entire time, his head bobbing back and forth as we talked. He placed his hand on Puppy’s shoulder, and grabbed my side. “I want you two to listen to me now, I can hear your inner spirit talking to me.” He looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. He then came incredibly close to Puppy’s face and looked into her eyes, “you already know the answer, you don’t need to ask.”

“Thank you for that amazing wisdom,” I said.

“There is no need to thank me, someday you will understand like I now do.”

Puppy looked at him, it was the most angry I had ever seen her, “Okay you can go now,” she said.

He stood up, looked to the two of us and said, “my work is now done,” then he left the lounge.

“Puppy, let me tell you a story about a girl I dated.”

“Your ex?” She asked.

“No, no, this one only lasted a month. We fell hard, you know how sometimes you just know. She told me she had never felt this way about anyone before, I decided to make it a go, I went all in, all fucking in. I did everything to make it work. Then she became distant, she said she was depressed. And I know depression. So I did whatever I could. She told me she was too tired to see me, that she was being introverted. She would apologize. I just told her I was always a phone call away. I was worried sick about her, worried fucking sick. I was home alone, sleeping alone, eating alone, the whole time thinking she was all alone too. This went on for a couple weeks, then I got suspicious and found out the truth.”

“What happened?” Puppy asked.

“That whole time, she had been going over to another guys house and fucking him. I don’t even think she liked him.”

“Why would she do that? That doesn’t make any sense.” There was an innocence in Puppy’s eyes. “Why would she do that? Why?”

“I don’t know, people do dumb things, I’ve done dumb things before, people are self destructive.”

“But that makes no sense, she was making sure she would stay miserable.”

“Puppy, that’s not even the point, I would have forgiven her.” I took the last sip of my Moscow Mule as Puppy stared deeply into my eyes, looking for answers where there were none. “I confronted her, and she was completely honest, she told me everything. But she cried and cried, she kept telling me she had never felt this way about anyone, that she didn’t like the guy. I finally kicked her out, and she just kept telling me that she would fix it, that she would fix this, she didn’t know how, but she would make it up to me. I wish she had.”

“What did she do?” Puppy asked.

“She went right back to the other guy, she hung out with him the next day.” I said.

“I don’t get it,” I looked at Puppy, and felt bad for her.

“Puppy, because people do not change. She did not change, she doesn’t know how to fight for happiness, all she knew how to do was survive. Cheshire will not change. I will not change.”

“I just don’t believe it,” Puppy said, “I really believe people will always change for the better.”

“I want to tell you something, this is important, sometimes it’s not about you.”

“I know that, I want to help Cheshire,” she said.

“You don’t understand. I’m not talking about Cheshire, I’m talking about myself,” I said.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you love somebody. Sometimes it is just about respect.”

“Respect?” She asked.

“It’s disrespectful to the people who treat you well, to chase after someone who treats you like crap.”

-Excerpt from Life In the Festivals, A Journey Into the Perpetual Hope Machine